Blogs > Gordon: My Back Pages

Gordon Glantz is the managing editor of the Times Herald and an award winning columnist.

Friday, July 17, 2009

The Boys Of Summer

As you may or may not have read in the 7/19/09 print edition of The Times Herald, the definitive all-time All-Jewish Baseball Team has been named.

Let all other incomplete efforts to do the same -- die a quick, albeit painful, death on the Internet.

Since that time, we have learned that we will be playing our home games in the town of boychick-friendly Great Neck, Long Island.

We have also put in a request to play no home games until the weather warms up in mid-May. Oy!

Here is player/manager Lou Boudreau's projected starting lineup for opening day, which we are fearing will be against the All-German team led by Mike Schmidt and Lou Gehrig at the corners. I encourage any naysayers to visit baseballreference.com for stats.

1) Buddy Myer, 2b

- Ian Kinsler, currently of the Texas Rangers, will split time here and bat first as well. Even though it is rumored that Myer made a deathbed confession that he wasn't really Jewish, the fact that he brawled over alleged anti-Semitic remarks says otherwise. His 17 years in the bigs, an all-time best for Jewish players, earns him the opening day nod. Also, reports that former New York Yankee Joe Gordon was a Jew who kept his heritage hush-hush could not be confirmed beyond a first source, so he is not on the team. If someone out there could prove otherwise, we'd love to add him to a mix that is not exactly awash in middle infielders.

2) Shawn Green, RF

- Seems like an odd place in the batting order for a guy who has 49-homer season on his résumé, but because we're not going to be running a lot, we like the idea of a guy pulling the ball to the right side batting second to avoid double plays.

3) Lou Boudreau, SS

- This team would be hurting, big-time, without Boudreau's confirmed Jewish bloodlines. The All-French squad has officially sued for his rights, but our team's lawyers are all over it. The frogs better leap on another shortstop.

4) Hank Greenberg, DH

- One of the best RBI men in baseball history and a two-time AL MVP. Not much more needs to be said.

5) Al Rosen, 3B

- In case they pitch around Greenberg, we have his protégé -- the 1953 AL MVP -- up next.

6) Kevin Youkilis, 1B

- A current standout with the Red Sox. We are able to get him into the lineup because Greenberg, who was never too great with the glove, can be the designated hitter.

7) Sid Gordon, CF

- Not quite a Cooperstown-level guy, but had a real solid career in the era following World War II.

8) Ryan Bruan, LF

- Another current standout whose full baseball story has yet to be written.

9) Harry Danning, C


- Like Gordon, Danning was a solid all-star level player. He gets the opening day nod over Mike Lieberthal, but they will alternate behind the dish while Brad Ausmus -- a three-time Gold Glove winner -- serves as a late-inning defensive replacement. Instead of sending the weak-hitting Moe Berg to the minors, we will put his intellect to use assisting Boudreau by trying to steal signals as a bench coach. Should be a snap against the All-Polish team, huh?

Starting Pitcher) Sandy Koufax

- Who else but the most dominant lefty of all-time? He'll be followed in the rotation by three 20-game winners: Erskine Mayer, Ken Holtzman, Steve Stone and a 19-game winner in Joe Horlen.

The Bench: We have Mike "Super Jew" Epstein (1B), 1906 batting champ George Stone (OF) and Former Phillie Morrie Arnovich (OF) to pinch hit. Don't forget Kinsler, Lieberthal and Ausmus.

The Bullpen: Jason Marquis, in the midst of his best season, is a long reliever and emergency starter. Dave Roberts, who led the National League in ERA in 1971, will serve in the same capacity. We also have turn-of-the-century ace Barney Pelty to eat up some innings. Our lefty-righty combo in the back end of the bullpen is Scott Radinsky and Larry Sherry, who had 20 saves in the pre-closer era.

Our Triple-A affiliate will play its home games in Hollywood, Fla., where big crowds are expected in games played immediately following early-bird special dinners.

Manager Bob Melvin, who will also serve as the third catcher, just received a 25-man roster -- mostly of journeyman types who had a season or two in the sun -- with which to work.

We are going heavy with 11 pitchers, as it will have to be done by committee. Saul Rogovin (best year 1951, with a 12-8 record and 2.78 ERA) is joined by Mike LaCoss (1987, 13-10, 3.68), Barry Latman (1961, 13-5, 4.02), Ross Baumgarten (1979, 13-8, 3.54), Jose Bautista (1993, 10-3, 2.82, Bo Belinsky (1964, 9-8, 2.86) and Harry Feldman (1945, 12-13, 3.27). Current Texas Ranger Scott Feldman, who entered the all-star break at 8-2, is also on a staff that is rounded out by relievers Scott Schoeneweis (2008, 2-6, 3.34), Al Levine (2001, 8-10, 2.38) and John Grabow (2008, 6-3, 2.84). Schoeneweis, who recently suffered the sudden loss of his wife, and Grabow are both still active in the majors.

There are still plenty of catchers to choose from, but we are only going with two (both confirmed converts to Judaism) -- Steve Yeager (1977, .256, 16 HR, 55 RBI) and Jeff Newman (1979, .231, 22 HR, 71 RBI). Newman gets the nod over the likes of longtime major league backup Joe Ginsberg and Norm Sherry, Larry's brother, because he can play some other positions. As you are about to read, that may prove vital.

At first base/designated hitter, we are OK with Ron Blomberg (1973, .329, 12 HR, 57 RBI) and Phil Weintraub (1944, .316, 13 HR, 77 RBI). A case could also be made for Lou Limmer played with the Philadelphia A's and hit a whopping .231 with 14 homers and 32 RBI in their final season in the City of Brotherly Love. For now, we'll let Mr. Limmer go down to our AA team in Owings Mills, Md.

The rest of the infield is a major problem. Andy Cohen (1928, .274, 9 HR, 59 RBI) can play second and some shortstop. We have Jim Levey (1932, .280, 4 HR, 63 RBI) at shortstop. Out of necessity, Jimmie Reese (not his birth name) will have to be our extra middle infielder. He hit .265 with all of 2 home runs and 26 RBI in 1932.


The biggest concern is third base, as we actually took a long look at non-roster invitee Gavin Fingleson, who hit .369 for a team in Taiwan in 2001 and has played for his native Australia in the Olympics, but we have decided to let Elliott Maddox -- an African American who converted to Judaism -- man the hot corner. Maddox was primarily an outfielder in his major league career but did play 114 games one season at third. He also had one real good year for the New York Yankees in 1974, batting .303 and getting some votes for MVP.

This leaves us room for five outfielders. Easy choices are Art Shamsky (1969, .300, 14 HR, 47 RBI), active player Gabe Kapler (2000, .302, 14 HR, 66 RBI) and Benny Kauff, who was called the "Ty Cobb of the Federal League" -- a splinter circuit he twice led in batting. Back in the real league, Kauff hit .308 with 5 HR and 68 RBI in 1917. He was also a nifty base-stealer and Melvin plans to bat him leadoff. The last two spots were more difficult, although kicking Ruben Amaro Jr. (1992, .219, 7 HR, 34 HR) to the front office helped. We ended up keeping Cal Abrams (1953, .286, 15 HR, 43 RBI) and Goody Rosen (1945, .325, 12 HR, 75 RBI). Rosen is unique in that he is from Canada. A current hot prospect, Adam Stern, also hails from the Great White North.

Optioned to AA were Richie Scheinblum (1972, .300, 8 HR, 66 RBI), Guy Zinn (1912, .262, 7 HR, 34 RBI), Dick Sharon (1973, .242, 7 HR, 16 RBI) and utility man David Newhan (2004, .311, 8 HR, 54 RBI) and current Chicago Cub Sam Fuld. Another current major leaguer to watch is pitcher Craig Breslow.

And yes, speaking young guys currently in the minors, almost no roster in this organizaton is secure for posterity. If there is another Sandy Koufax or Hank Greenberg out there, the changes -- and demotions -- will be made.

Any other questions? Concerns? Comments?

You know where to stick them.