Even though we all saw it coming -- perhaps as long ago as the friggin' Iowa caucuses (what the bleep are they anyway???) and certainly after the practical joke pulled by the Democratic Rules Committee last weekend -- Tuesday night's results were a bitter pill to swallow.

But once it was digested, the taste really didn't linger the way I thought it might.

I listened to Hillary speak and intermittently made jokes about the less-than-photogenic people positioned behind her, cringed at some of her remarks and got choked up from other pronouncements that still made me proud that she is who I backed in a losing cause (kind of like any Eagles' season that we all know will end without a ring).

Then I listened -- with somewhat different ears -- to Obama. As always, some of his remarks caused my normal caustic shouting at the television that elicited verbal skirmishes with his semi-naive followers in our newsroom. But other parts of the victory speech gave me, dare I say it, h-h-hope for ch-ch-change.

With or without Hillary Clinton on the ticket, I almost see no option but to now move slightly to the left -- with my breath held -- and back what I still can't help but see as a long-shot bid to end eight years of GOP dictatorship.

After midnight, as I drove home through the late spring rain, I listened to some Steve Earle (his last CD is pure genius) and thought on it some more. Somewhere between Norristown and Whitpain -- East Norriton, I suppose -- I felt almost a sense of relief.

The first thing I saw when I reached home was my HILLARY FOR PRESIDENT sign on the lawn. I saw that differently as well. It now becomes a relic. A keepsake for my daughter; something to show her when I say she can be anything she wants to be -- even president.

I'll keep it up for a few more days -- maybe until Hillary makes her next move -- and then put away in the attic with my ... Kerry/Edwards sign.

And then I watched some FOX News, where I've been secretly running to enjoy Obama-bashing ceremonies the last few months, and the process of coming to my senses continued. The bashing suddenly seemed blatantly unfair again.

They replayed an interview with GOP candidate John McCain, who looked and sounded every bit like a man at the end of his political career.

And although I believe Obama is way early in his ascent as a national politician to be aspiring for the White House -- and although I still believe Hillary, of the three who had the fortitude to stick out the full primary season, is at the right point -- the junior senator from Illinois may be a better way to go than a very, very senior senator from Arizona.

Obama will need to surround himself with the right people and make it clear to the voting public who will be in his administration, beyond the vice president, and he needs to acknowledge that enter this next race out of breath from limping across the finish line just a step or two in front of Clinton.

These were my thoughts as the right-leaning pundits on FOX babbled.

Feeling ready for a rare good night's sleep, I turned off the television -- with Sean Hannity still smirking at me -- and hit the sack.

A short time later, I had an election-related dream (I'm weird like that) and awoke to pouring rain. Sofia, who almost always sleeps through the night, started to cry. I went down the hall and rocked her back to sleep. In my haze, the obvious thought that some things are more important than political elections (and selections) coincided with her falling back into a deep slumber.

When I awoke after 10 a.m. Wednesday, the rain had stop falling and the sun fought its way through the clouds.

I went into Sofia's room and she popped up in her crib, like a pop tart, and smiled at me. She didn't care that her daddy backed the losing horse. I was still her daddy.

Life will go on.

I don't like playing on the losing team, but it's nothing new. After my wounds heal, I may slowly become as passionate for Barack Obama's cause as I was for that of Hillary. If I did it immediately, it wouldn't be right or real. That's not what I like to think I'm about. It took me a while to get stoked about Hillary and -- if it happens at all -- it's going to be the same way now. You'll know when I'm ready. Just keep on reading and I'll keeping on writing.

For those of you who thought I would become McCain supporter, I'm sorry. You were probably reading more into my angst about Obama's free magic carpet ride, courtesy of the mainstream media, than necessary.

At my lowest ebb, after fellow Americans were cut into halves last weekend, the thought temporarily crossed my mind. Then I saw one of McCain's commercials and almost got sick to my stomach.

Deep down, I have the soul of an Independent, but this country puts Independents in the cheap seats of its political arena and I'm too into the game -- right or wrong, right or left -- to not be up close and personal.

Try not to take it personally.

I just don't see America the way the Republicans do. I am unbelievably bitter at the Democratic party, and Hillary's legacy may be that changes will be made in the very flawed process of picking a nominee, but I'll try stay loyal a little longer and see if they can stop screwing this thing up.

The dawn brings a new day and a new battlefield. If you need time to pick a side, take it. It may be the most important decision, as a voter, you'll make.

Just do what's right -- even it means veering left.