There I sat, in the choir (OK, my couch) of the Agnostic Church of Realists, listening to the best living comedian, Chris Rock, do the preaching.

He was talking about the rise of patriotism following Sept. 11 and how it morphed into hating anyone who wasn't a "real American" - from Arabs to immigrants to anyone who couldn't speak the native language (Cherokee, anyone?), etc.

Rock admitted that he thought it was "all cool," but starting getting nervous as the allowable hate talk increased in mainstream American culture.

"You know (expletive for blacks) and Jews are next," he said. "That bus is never late."

He then looked at his watched as the mostly black crowd roared and added, "any time now."

I was reminded on this bit from Rock's HBO comedy special going back two or three years when I opened a piece of mail sent to directly my way at The Times Herald.

It was almost Christmas and I could honestly say that I was pleasantly surprised to have yet to hear the nonsensical banter about whether or not to substitute a generic "Happy Holidays" for "Merry Christmas."

But, like Rock says, that bus - the one of latent hate - is never late.

With about a week to spare, the letter - using the VFW magazine as its source - read like this:

Despite all media-inspired hoopla about Americans supposedly being offended by greetings of "Merry Christmas," (G2 Note: silly exclamation point removed) a national poll last December found that 95 percent are not offended. However, 46 percent were offended by "Happy Holidays."

Another survey revealed that nearly 70 percent of Americans prefer "Merry Christmas" and 53 percent were bothered by merchants who omitted it from their stores and signage. Finally, 78 percent believe Christian holiday symbols should be displayed on public property.

The Association of Religion Data Archives (G2 Note: The 'My Back Pages' staff will check on this "organization's credentials) shows that 84 percent of Americans are Christians. Yet 95 percent celebrate Christmas.

Out of respect for the holiday - and I do respect it - I waited to respond.

And while I'm still trying to digest this equivalent to a piece of undercooked Happy Meal meat, I'm ready to come out swinging.

First and foremost, I don't know how and where these numbers were culled, but something tells me that the surveys - if really taken - were passed around at militia meetings in Nebraska and white power gatherings in Alabama and Pennsyltucky.

The use of the buzzword "merchants" always sends up red flags in Gordonville, a mystical place where Henry Ford and Lucky Lindy aren't American icons and Joseph Goebbels isn't a misguided genius.

When you drop that word, we all know what you are trying say. So come on, yo, don't beat around the bush. Just spit it out.

But it all points to a larger picture. Making an annual fuss about this has less to do with religion and more to do with filling empty lives with a sense of wanting to feel superior to your neighbor because you are in on something he or she isn't.

Is that what Christ would do?

Then again, if an alleged 84 percent of Americans truly followed in footsteps of Christ, we'd have health care for kids and no need for gun control.

Hunger? Ha.

Road rage? LOL.

Worrying yourself sick over people not getting in lock-step every holiday season? Pathetic.

And if wreaths and reindeer and Candy Canes are "Christian" holiday symbols, I give up. I really do. Let me pack up the family and move to Iceland (top place to live in the world, according to some entity other than VFW Magazine).

If 46 percent of you are really offended by a greeting of "Happy Holidays" - when the season encompasses several holidays (Thanksgiving, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Festivus, New Year's) - I wonder if the climate of our culture is worth saving.

Speaking of statistics, I can be 100 percent sure this was sent to me because I have openly mocked such frivolity in the past.

The anonymous - of course - sender of this I'll-set-him-straight piece of balled-up-trash-in- waiting called it "Christmas Trivia."

On that we can agree, my unseen friend, as it is all very trivial indeed.

I was born and raised in the Jewish faith but, like many people who have pondered such questions, have come to the conclusion that if a God does exists, he or she would scoff at our arcane ways of making sense of it all.

Personally, I'm not offended by any greeting that isn't "stick it, Glantz." If you get your jollies out of saying "Merry Christmas," go for it. If no offense is meant, none is taken.

It is much to do about nothing - particularly given all the woes in the world, including long and bloody wars that are fought in the name of organized religion.

Then again, considering the source, some are willing to do it again.

Any time now.

Some buses are never late.